Sleep divorce: can sleeping apart help you stay together?

In the search for a better night’s kip, many couples are choosing to catch their Zs in separate beds. But is the emerging sleep divorce trend here to stay? Let’s talk about shaking off your co-pilot and flying solo to the land of nod.

An arena of nocturnal nuisances

From duvet hoarding to thunderous snoring, sometimes a shared bed is less a place of calm and more an arena in which nocturnal nuisances go to battle. And that’s if you can get to sleep at all. Perhaps your body clock is incompatible with your partner’s. Or maybe you’re a light sleeper and your other half’s twilight toilet trips are disrupting your shut eye.

There are lots of reasons a couple may struggle to sleep soundly together.

But there’s also a simple way to solve it.

Organic LavenderTogether apart: the growing trend of sleep divorce

We’re all familiar with feeling foggy and groggy after a fitful night’s sleep. But when your sleep is disturbed on a regular basis, it really can make you feel awful. Chronic tiredness undermines just about aspect of mental and physical performance you can think of. So forget the saying, because it’s when you don’t snooze that you really lose. And that can lead to feelings of anger, guilt and despair in a relationship when one feels the other is to blame. Or when one partner feels responsible for keeping the other awake.

Not exactly a path to happily ever after.  

It’s why more couples are choosing to sleep in separate beds. A 2019 study of married or cohabiting couples in Australia found that 17% slept alone. Among the couples who were sleeping together, 22% said they would prefer sleeping apart. And far from being the death knell of the relationship, couples can blossom when each individual is sleeping soundly. (We all know how restorative a good night’s sleep can be.)

Sweet SleepBut isn’t sleeping apart a bit…weird?

There’s an unspoken expectancy that happy couples sleep together. If you are sleeping apart as a couple then surely something must be seriously wrong in the relationship – beyond bickering about the washing up. Or so people might think. But it’s time to break the stigma of sleeping separately – especially if one or more person is suffering in the relationship because of disrupted sleep.

Agreeing allotted times when you are welcome in one another’s bedrooms can keep you both close. And it’s worth remembering that sexual intimacy needn’t be limited to the bedroom or necessarily followed by falling asleep together. Whisper it, but sleeping apart may even enhance your relationship. All aspects of it.

Not ready to sleep apart? Sleep better with these…

Maybe you don’t have a spare room. Or perhaps you simply don’t want to sleep away from your partner. After all, we are social creatures and there can be psychological benefits to sleeping next to someone. There are a number of things you can do to promote a restful night’s sleep – from limiting your screen time in the evenings to tweaking your diet. And it turns out there are plenty of all-natural products in Mother Nature’s larder that will promote a peaceful kip for both you and your partner.

Here are three of our current favourites. Seriously, you should try them.

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